This story was inspired by a tweet from Elysia Whisler, who confessed to going out to the pool during a rainstorm so she could rescue all the poor little frogs. She told me she’d kiss a prince if she thought he might turn into a frog. This story is just for fun, and has no relation to anything else I’ve written at all.
“Men are such toads.” Elysia laughed much louder and hysterically than was appropriate for such a small joke. Not even a joke, really; more of an off-hand comment, an observation of human nature, and directed towards no one, as she was alone.
Elysia loved the Spring in D.C. The cherry blossoms were in bloom, and the breeze tickled her braless nipples under her crocheted halter top. The sixties were a wonderful time to be a woman.
Strolling around the National Mall where, just one week ago, she had burned her bra and subsequently been arrested for indecent exposure, Elysia sought out her pets. She sat on the edge of the reflecting pool and they came to her, wanting what she refused to give.
A few tourists passed by, giving no more than a quizzical glance to the crazy woman sitting on the edge of the pool. A half dozen frogs sat at varying distances from her, obviously watching her, waiting to see if Elysia would take pity on them.
A low, appreciative whistle caused her to glance over her shoulder. A suit was watching her. A young one, naïve and cocky and arrogant as hell. He didn’t see a woman. He saw a piece of hippie tush.
Elysia smiled, rotating one leg at a time to face him, sitting rather unladylike with her knees wide apart. The suit had to wipe an actual bit of drool from his thin lips. His eyes briefly touched her long blonde tresses before raking her breasts and settling on her crotch, as if he could penetrate her with his eyes.
He was too easy. All it took was a flirtatious glance, a little imbecilic flattery, and he was leaning over her. She grabbed him by the tie and gave him what he wanted, pressing her luscious lips to his hungry mouth.
One rather surprised frog joined his new comrades in the reflecting pool, not yet knowing just what had happened to him or why.
Elysia giggled and waved at her adoring amphibian audience before continuing on to the Capitol Building. It was cool inside; more so than usual and she crossed her arms over her chest to guard against the chill.
A warm jacket dropped onto her shoulders, and she looked up to see the greenest eyes and widest mouth a human dared have. Her feminist defenses bristled because she knew Julian was motivated more by covering up her revealing clothing than in giving her warmth. But he was sweet boy, and so she refrained from chastising him. Besides, she was cold, and his coat felt good.
It smelled wonderful too. She loved his soap. It left just enough of his own scent on his clothing to be real, while still smelling like he’d just come out of the shower, dripping wet and…
Elysia shook her head to clear the image. She had no business subverting innocent young boys like Julian. Washington needed more like him. She just hoped he could change it before it changed him.
“Elysia, what are you doing here?” Julian asked. His tone was light and conversational, but his eyes belied the fear and worry behind the innocent question. He was afraid for the general order of things, as well as for Elysia’s own rights and freedoms. He knew her well. He knew she loved to poke and stir and cause trouble any way she could.
And yet he had been the one to bail her out of jail.
“I’m just enjoying the cherry blossoms.” She said, as if he should believe that was all she had up her nonexistent sleeve.
“Ah, yes. You have a great view of the cherry blossoms on the way to the Senator’s office.”
“Humph.” She enjoyed seeing him like this. He would save the world someday, either with her or from her.
Julian sighed and guided her out a side door into the warm sunshine, knowing with each step that the only reason she let him shoo her away was because she liked him. Or felt sorry for him… he often couldn’t tell the difference.
“Lunch?” she asked, handing him back his suit jacket.
He hesitated, glancing back at the building where he should be very busy.
“I’m buying…” she jiggled just enough to make him blush. His well-trained gaze actually broke away from her eyes for a moment before snapping back. He was wondering where she could possibly keep a single coin, much less any greater amount of money. She dug into the lipstick pocket of her cutoff jeans and pulled out a five dollar bill. “The sky’s the limit! Up to five dollars.”
His wide mouth grinned, reminding her so much of the frogs she loved, and she wondered if, someday, she might kiss him.
But that would be wrong for oh so many reasons.
They enjoyed a couple of hot dogs in the shade of the cherry blossoms. Elysia made sure she was just suggestive enough with the wiener to make Julian feel uncomfortable. She was quite sure she sent him back to work with a hard-on, and that thought made her happy.
Six more frogs found their way to the reflecting pool that night. At dawn, several lawyers, a construction worker, a couple of lobbyists and one overly aggressive lesbian staggered away from the reflecting pool.
Elysia selected an outfit that was conservative enough get her through the door to hear the Senator’s speech, as well as long enough to conceal a rolled up banner. Halfway through the speech, she decided not to take it out after all. Julian must be having some kind of influence on his boss, because the old man actually seemed to be making sense for once. And was that real sincerity she perceived in his tone? Amazing!
“I never said he was a bad guy!” Elysia defended herself. She dangled her sandals from one hand. She’d tried to get him to take off his shoes, to no avail. His laces remained as straight as ever.
“And yet you seem to keep showing up…”
“…because of the bill…”
“The bill which died an ugly death three weeks ago.”
Elysia bit her lip. He had a point, and she knew why she kept coming around. She liked seeing him squirm. She loved the reaction she got when Julian thought she was about to do something… progressive. Heinous. Hippy-like.
A croak sounded behind them, and they turned to see a rather hefty toad hopping slowly down the path, following them. Elysia’s eyes grew wide as she recognized the large stranger who had accidentally copped a feel that afternoon. He seemed more persistent than most, but they soon outdistanced him.
She changed the subject. She was not about to admit to the boy that she was only hanging around because she enjoyed teasing him so much. He was irresistible. He was infinitely tweakable, and so very adorable when she tweaked.
But then she found herself looking directly into his puppy-dog eyes. She was standing just one step up from him, and the look of adoration and hesitant hope melted her heart. It was the perfect moment for a first kiss…
And then a frog croaked.
Elysia found too late that she had begun to lean in, wanting to kiss those luscious lips. But the croak reminded her of what would happen if she gave in, and she pulled away.
She danced up the last few steps and spun away from him. “Have you ever been to Monticello?” Looking at the large statue of President Thomas Jefferson, that was the first thing that came to mind.
Julian took a step backward and barely caught himself before he tripped right down the steps. “Yeah… yeah. A couple of times. I love architecture.”
All the men she’d kissed, all those she’d enchanted, and she had never once felt guilty. Yet here before her was a man, hardly more than a boy, and she regretted more than anything not being able to kiss him.
For the first time in her life, she experienced self-doubt.
Elysia avoided the Capitol Building for the next few days. She had work to do. Lessons must be taught. Chauvinists must be educated.
But she missed her tweakable, frog-mouthed boy.
The Senator was going to speak at some kind of event for boy scouts or veterans or some other group, and it happened to be in her home town. She made the two hour drive on the back of a rather muscular and well tattooed man’s motorcycle, taking advantage of his disorientation as he regained his human form. He hadn’t really deserved to be turned into a frog in the first place, and she regretted using him. She had been feeling lonely, thinking of Julian, and in a fit of self-pity she had kissed the man, willing him to stay human just long enough to feel what it was like to have strong, masculine arms around her, but it was no use. The tattooed frog ribbitted a question to her, but her apologies felt woefully inadequate. She kissed the adorable little frog, and he instantly morphed back into a man again. After finding himself in Pennsylvania with a beautiful yet strange young flower child on the back of his bike, she kissed him a third time, and he landed in the pond in her parents’ back yard before he could croak.
The back porch light came on and her father stepped out. “Elysia?” he asked, then saw the motorcycle. “Good god girl, not again.” He helped her roll the bike under the carport where it would be safe, but the rider could find it in the morning.
She thanked him, and blew him a kiss which earned her a lopsided grin. “When are you gonna give all this foolishness up?” He asked, leading the way into the house. “Guess who’s here!” he hollered, and her mother appeared from the kitchen. She wore a faded apron and was busy drying a dish.
Elysia regarded her mother, trying to see her as a woman who had given up all that she was for a dreary life with a man who changed the oil in people’s cars for a living. But all she could see was a dreamy smile and sparkling contentment as her father winked at his wife, then went back to tinkering with his ham radio. Her parents were happy.
“Oh, Ely, when are you gonna give all this foolishness up?” her mother echoed her father’s words.
“When I find a man as wonderful as you did!” she countered, as she always did. And as always, her mother humphed indulgently and retreated back into the kitchen.
Elysia dug through her childhood closet, glad that she had never really bothered to clean everything out. She needed something… innocent. Well, innocent was a stretch for her wardrobe. She might be able to manage harmless. Or at least non-threatening.
Her mother appeared in the doorway. The knowing smile on her lips hinted at the words she would not say. ‘Who is he?’ She simply sighed and watched her daughter, then questioned her about what she was looking for and how she could help. They ended up finding a nice, normal, rather conservative dress in her mother’s closet, one that was quite appropriate for an afternoon picnic.
The motorcycle was gone in the morning. Elysia didn’t usually worry about whether her victims survived the night without being eaten by some wild critter, but she was starting to realize how wrong that was. She was relieved to see that her tattooed free ride had not come to harm.
The event turned out to be a massive flea market and carnival being held to raise funds for the Red Cross. Elysia managed to blend in with the crowd during the Senator’s speech. She found Julian while he was indisposed, a needle in his arm and a pump transferring his life-giving blood into a little plastic bag. That was just like him, always doing something for someone else, even someone he didn’t know.
“Elysia!” he said drunkenly as she sauntered up to him. “That dress is choice. You look…” his eyes lolled, and Elysia glanced over at a nurse. “You’re so beautiful.” Elysia wondered if perhaps he had lost a bit too much blood.
Julian gazed groggily at Elysia while the nurse disconnected him and placed a small bandage on his arm. He swayed to his feet and Elysia dipped under his arm to help him over to the cookie table.
“Cookies!” he exclaimed happily. Elysia sat with him, watching him pack away a dozen cookies and eight tiny cups of juice. The other squares at the table seemed not to realize she was a flower child, and included her in their friendly chatter. After consuming a few calories, Julian came back to his senses just in time to jump to his feet and steer her away when the conversation inevitably turned political.
They strolled towards the carnival. “I listened to the Senator’s speech. He really is good… isn’t he?” she admitted.
“He’s the best. He really is. He knows there’s a lot of dancing a man has to do in Washington to get stuff done, and sometimes it seems like he’s just flapping his gums. But he’s the real deal. He’s going to make it better. It takes time, but he has the passion and the intelligence to make it happen.”
Elysia watched Julian’s face as he declared his devotion to the old man, and his own passion for making the world a better place. Then he looked at her, and she thought she saw a different kind of passion there. She had never wanted that from any man, and yet from Julian, from this young, idealistic, hopeless square she found herself wanting more. She wanted to see him succeed in all the foolish, idealistic endeavors he devoted himself to.
They blended in with the other young couples, squares and flower children alike. Elysia even behaved herself when the Senator sought out Julian to thank him and say goodbye. She never imagined a career politician could be so considerate, but she supposed the good and the bad might all look alike when they dressed up and stood on stage. Julian seemed to know how to tell who really did have the drive and the inspiration to follow through on their promises.
Julian released a deep breath as soon as the Senator was out of sight. “Thank you.”
“Thank me? For what?” Elysia asked.
Julian blushed deeply, which wasn’t difficult with his fair coloring. “For not… well, for being so…”
Elysia laughed. “You mean for not accosting him? Or embarrassing you?”
Julian looked uncomfortable.
Elysia withdrew her laughter. “I do that to you a lot, don’t I?” Julian risked a quick glance out of the corner of his eye, not wanting to look at her directly. Elysia took his arm affectionately. “I’m sorry. I do tease you. You are just too much fun not to tease! I can’t help myself around you.”
Julian smiled and put an arm around her. It felt good, to be that close to someone she cared about. She’d felt men’s hands and mouths all over her body before enchanting them with a kiss. Never had she simply walked and enjoyed the feel and smell of a man who wanted nothing from her but to know he could make her happy.
She beat him in a contest of knocking milk bottles off a table by throwing a baseball, a loss he took with great grace. She let him buy her dinner, and they followed the crowds back to the main stage. Everyone else seemed to be producing blankets to sit on, but Elysia and Julian made themselves comfortable over to one side, sitting against a large oak tree.
Elysia didn’t even remember who the band was. She leaned against Julian, but even though she could clearly feel his erection against her back, his hands never strayed from her arms or waist. As the sun went down and the air cooled, she drew his arms around her more tightly. He lowered his mouth to her neck, and simply rested there breathing in the smell of her till she squirmed up against him, encouraging a firmer nuzzle.
The nuzzle turned into gentle kisses along her neck and shoulders. She sighed, basking in the unfamiliar feeling, then stretching back so his lips could reach her throat. His tongue gently traced her collarbone and she wished fervently that the crowd would magically disappear. All the touches she had received from any other man had seemed clammy and greedy, but Julian’s touch was reverent. She moaned softly and he kissed his way up her throat to her chin. But instead of tracing her jaw, his lips claimed hers.
Elysia fell backwards as the strong masculine body was instantly transformed into a squishy amphibian. She rolled frantically, hoping she wasn’t crushing him. “Oh shit oh shit oh shit!” she chanted to herself, hoping no one else had noticed. The concert had ended, and the crowd was beginning to disperse.
She caught some movement at the edge of a patch of weeds, and saw Julian the frog hopping off in search of water. She lunged for him, and winced as she saw the poor creature’s eyes bug out as he was captured.
“Elysia! It’s so good to see you here!” called a familiar voice. She turned, cradling the frog like a baby. Janie was almost all grown up, and she rushed in to give Elysia a warm hug. “You and your frogs!” she laughed. “I suppose you’re taking that one home?”
“Uh… yeah! You know me. I love frogs!” Elysia dissembled. Janie was a sweet kid. Elysia had babysat her through her teenage years, and she knew the family well.
“Can we give you a ride home?” Janie’s mother asked, shushing Janie’s little brother and sister.
Elysia looked around at the crowds. There was no way she could transform Julian back into a man with so many people around, and walking home she’d be in the flow of the crowd all the way. She tried not to show her nervousness as she accepted, and she kept Julian close to her chest the whole way home even though both youngsters begged to be allowed to hold him.
Her mother jumped up to follow her as she slammed in the front door and ran to the bathroom, clutching the frog carefully. She placed him in the bathtub and started to run cool water, bathing the amphibian in live-saving wetness. Her mother closed the door securely behind them, trapping them all in. “This one’s special, isn’t he?”
Elysia didn’t even realize she was crying. Her mother dried her wet cheeks with the same apron she’d been drying dishes with. She held her daughter’s face in her hands and placed a single kiss on her forehead. “I release you.” She pronounced.
Elysia hugged her mother, burying herself in the sagging bosom she loved so much. She felt a weight slide from her, a weight she had not even known she carried.
“Ribbit!” said Julian from the bathtub.
Elysia gently picked him up, and placed a single kiss directly on his cold slimy lips.
She did it again, then turned to her mother in a panic. “It’s not working! Why is it not working?”
“I’ve released you.” Said her mother calmly. “No more magic. At least, not the kind that turns men into frogs and frogs into men.”
Elysia blinked. “But… Julian…”
“Will be fine in the morning. A little disoriented, to be sure, but in my experience that’s the best time to talk to a man anyway.”
“How will I explain…”
“Oh, darlin’, no need to explain anything about frog kissin’! No, that’s over. Although if you have daughters, you will have to have that talk with him and them before they hit puberty. No, it’s best just to tell the man you love him, and let the rest take its course.
They spent the whole night talking, watching Julian splash around in the tub. Elysia shocked her poor mother with her wide knowledge of all things sexual, as her mother had planned to spend the evening enlightening her daughter on the facts of life.
In the hour before dawn, her mother kissed her goodnight and left her alone in the bathroom with her enchanted true love. Elysia thought carefully about what her mother had said about the disorienting time following the transformation being the best time to talk to a man, but she had a better idea.
Looking out the eastern window to gauge the exact time, she carried him back to her room. The narrow bed would have to do. She placed him on the center of the mattress, then covered him with a heavy quilt so he couldn’t move. She stripped off her own clothes, throwing them in a corner just as the bulge under the quilt suddenly grew to man-size.
“It’s all right, Julian, it’s just me. You had too much to drink, but I’ll take care of you.”
“Drink?” he asked, and she realized how strange that excuse was for him. So square he never touched a drop of alcohol.
So square he’d never lay a hand on her, even if she was naked and begging, which she almost was.
She divested him of his clothing, which had reappeared with him when he regained his human form. Confused, he watched her with a little smile on his face, definitely not yet coherent. But when she stretched out on top of him and kissed him fully, he responded enthusiastically. Suddenly his hands were everywhere, and she felt fire burn her skin everywhere he touched. His erection sprang up between them, the tip wet and eager. Impatient herself, after so long waiting, she straddled his hips and took him deep into herself with one movement. He bucked beneath her, bending his knees and bracing himself to penetrate her as fully as possible, calling her name over and over.
She called to him as well, not caring that her parents could hear everything. He was hers, and she was his. She nibbled at his lips and indulged in long kisses that left them both gasping. She felt herself float to the ceiling while her body inexplicably remained impaled on his thrusting erection, and she let out a scream that seemed to shake him back to his senses. He groaned and released into her, shaking with the intensity of pent up desire that was finally released.
“Elysia… you turned me into a frog!” he panted. But she didn’t care. She collapsed against his chest, drifting off into a satisfied sleep. Julian stared at the ceiling, his hands gently stroking her body, as if not able to believe what was happening to them. “It’s all right though…” he said, hearing her snore softly. “I got better.”
Sometime later she awoke as he rolled with her, shifting on the narrow bed till she was under him. He made love to her a second time, holding her gaze and telling her he loved her, and had always loved her. She knew it was true with some kind of sense that came from deep in her soul, completely unrelated to any logical observations, but not contrary.
Her parents were gone, off somewhere to give them a little privacy. Elysia joined him in the small shower, then enjoyed a little pampering as he kissed every inch of her while toweling her off.
“Julian, I’ve decided how I’m going to change the world.” She declared.
“Really?” he asked between kisses.
“I’m going to be your wife. Whether you’re the Senator’s go-to boy for your whole career, or you become the President of these United States, I’m going to be beside you. I’ll wear a June Cleaver dress when I need to, and burn my bra when the occasion calls for it. But I’ll do it all as your wife.”
He stopped kissing her, smiling a mischievous smile as he reached for his pants. Digging through the pockets he produced a small velvet box. “Then you’d best put this on.” He said, slipping the ring on her finger. “I’ve been carrying it around for a week now. I just didn’t know how to get you to say yes.”
She said yes.
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